


re:bound

by harajukucrepes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Actually I don't know how to tag this because this is just a very self-indulgent piece, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ex Sex, Introspection, M/M, TW for implications of unhealthy coping mechanisms, there is porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:22:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27806770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harajukucrepes/pseuds/harajukucrepes
Summary: “I’m going to remember this feeling,” he speaks into Yuta’s ear, letting the heat from his own body penetrate Yuta’s as he takes in the fresh flowery scent that he has grown to long for, the shape of his slighter than usual body, and counting the faint drumming of his heart. “Because this is what I’m determined to make you feel as well.”or,jaehyun goes to attend a wedding and sees yuta in johnny's arm. that's it, that's the summary
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Nakamoto Yuta, Nakamoto Yuta & Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 14
Kudos: 84
Collections: Sakura Mochi - a yujae centered ficfest





	re:bound

**Author's Note:**

> \- this is self-prompted entry and all I was thinking was to write something based on the White Night track mv, but in the end I couldn't fit anything from the mv into this piece and ended up only retaining the crazy rich people atmosphere gave out by the mv  
> \- there's like, no plot whatsoever, i just wanted to write something to indulge  
> \- please do enjoy! and let me know if there's any mistakes!  
> \- [edm noise] i wanna see you dance dance

*

re:bound

*

  
  
  
  
  


It doesn’t surprise Jaehyun to see Yuta in the hallways of the Suh Manor for the mini gathering that John’s organising in conjunction with his cousin’s wedding this weekend, but what is throwing him off is the way John has his arms wrapped around Yuta’s waist, whispering to him with the kind of intimately-coded gesture that Jaehyun hasn’t expected from the both of them. 

“Don’t worry, it’s not just you,” Wendy says after greeting him, having noticed the clear confusion in his face. 

“I don’t think he ever showed signs of having broken up with Ten for real?” Jaehyun asks, feeling a little strange for appearing at the party acting gossipy right after touching base with Uncle Suh about recruitment details for a project manager that he could place for a joint venture but he can’t help wanting to know if he should be congratulating John and Yuta for whatever they are trying to show. It’s one of those things often inexplicable to any outsider—the inborn ability to discern the most important conversation in the room and right now it seems like John and Yuta are definitely intending to be a momentary center of their little universe, their overt yet subtle announcement trying to not take too much spotlight off the main couple but just enough to draw curiosity from the crowd who has been unnecessarily familiar with their previous entanglements: John and his constant on-and-off relationship with Ten and Yuta and his notoriously enviable string of mostly-rumoured flings, from executives of famous corporations to divorced actresses to fashion moguls. 

John spots him right away and walks over to him while Yuta gets distracted by Joy’s newest brooch designs, gives him the biggest hug ever and Jaehyun congratulates him for his cousin’s wedding, his line of sight still stubbornly fixed on Yuta from the corner of his eyes. 

  
  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
  
  


Jaehyun expects nothing less from Yuta when he goes over to the Suh Manor library and spots him in the at the anthropology section—he has always been, after all, unapologetically nerdy about his very niche interests in the relationship between the various ancient civilisations and its effect on the building of the foundations of modern society. He suspects that it’s one of the many things—aside from, obviously, his visually-arresting face and nicely-proportioned body—that draws him legions of admirers in spite of his flashy fashion choices and well-documented bouts of moodiness and reclusive tendencies. 

“ _Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth_ ,” he reads from the blurb as Yuta flashes it to him to show what he’s been fiddling with. “Never pegged you as one for the politics of religions.” 

“You’ve never really managed to peg me for anything, let’s start with that,” Yuta teases. He’s looking a lot more beautiful than Jaehyun has remembered him for, even more than what has been captured in all the exquisitely taken pictures in countless magazine shoots and professionally-taken photographs from his numerous fashion gigs. Jaehyun has always felt a little disgruntled from the way no optical device will ever manage to capture his real beauty, especially at this moment when he’s emanating the kind of glow that only Jaehyun is familiar with—the kind that’s borne by heartbreak. 

Jaehyun lets out a small chuckle and holds his gaze for a while before looking down. “So.” 

Yuta’s breath slows down, seemingly a lot more solemn than his animated self just a few hours ago. 

“It’s been a while,” Jaehyun says, feeling the air growing increasingly tense between them. Something about the way Yuta shifts away everytime their eyes make contact tells him that he’s not eager to talk, wordlessly signalling to Jaehyun that he’ll have to change his approach. 

“Yeah, it has,” Yuta answers, his rosy cheeks flushing with a light tinge of pink as he notices Jaehyun’s softened eyes lingering on him. Jaehyun suspects that Yuta has never managed to get used to him, even after having officially broken up for more than a decade and having encountered many other presumably more attractive people throughout his lucrative career as a model and fashion icon. “I think I’ve missed you.” 

“You _think,_ ” Jaehyun repeats, hoping that his transparent attempt to ease him is going somewhere. 

“I _think,_ yes,” Yuta says, his voice maintaining a composed, soft timbre. “Because you’re special to me.” 

Jaehyun inhales deeply before delivering his next words. “You look happy with John.” 

At that, Yuta’s face lights up slightly. “Do I?”

“Yes, you do.” 

“Good,” Yuta says. “Thanks for saying it.”

Jaehyun takes that as a cue to take his next few actions: touching his arm to get his full attention then removing the thick tome from his hands, tucking his long hair behind his ear, pulling him forward and tilting his head so that their lips are inches away before pressing their noses close, and finally, closing his eyes and inhaling the flowery scent from the perfume coating him. 

“You could have contacted me,” he says, “I thought we established that some time ago.” 

Yuta exhales to relax his body, then softens his expression before leaning in and tracing Jaehyun’s jaw with his fingers to pull him down for a featherlight kiss. 

“This is just a one-time arrangement, you don’t have to be petty about it.” 

Jaehyun closes his eyes back to let Yuta’s touches work their magic and they let the kisses take them back at a time where they were both in school and sneaking out occasionally for some shameless trysts in this very same library, when they were both blissfully young and foolishly enamoured with each other and thinking that the world was theirs to command—only to be told of the cages that exist solely to trap them in the places they didn’t want to be at. 

  
  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
  
  


The rose bushes in the Suh family garden remain the best place in the world to be smoking at, Jaehyun thinks as he lies on the field and John passes him a lit cigarette. 

“Vaping is good and all, but nothing beats this gritty taste of nicotine soiling your tongue,” John says. “I miss hanging out with you, dude.”

“If only Mark could make it,” Jaehyun muses. “Sucks that he has to adjudicate a college debate.” 

“One which he has committed to help in organising,” John reminds. “You know what he said when I told him that the wedding has been confirmed and it really is going to be in fall, just like I told him before?”

Jaehyun turns around to face him. “I’m going to go for _dude I thought you were joking._ ” 

John smirks as he huffs, then they both break into laughter. 

“Never change, Mark,” John says, “never change.” 

“I’ve missed this, you know,” Jaehyun reckons. “Just watching you tease the hell out of him.” 

“Yeah, same,” John reciprocates. “It’s amazing how our timing just never managed to match, and you’re actually _in Seoul_.” 

“If it wasn’t because of work, then it was because of an inconvenient ex showing up, and then if it wasn’t because of work or an inconvenient ex, it would be because of some few family members having a cold war or something,” Jaehyun says, his mind flashing back to all the times their reunion was cut off or stalled for any reason. “So, how has Ten been doing?”

“What about Ten?” John asks in a way that makes him sound genuinely perplexed. 

“Well, you know,” Jaehyun stumbles, wondering if he should dive right into the most important question. “Did you guys break up or something.” 

John snorts, then exhales loudly. “You know the guy my cousin’s going to be married to? That apparent start-up genius?”

“Not a lot, but yeah,” Jaehyun knows John’s cousin Gina, but doesn’t know anything else about the man she’s marrying other than him being a self-proclaimed innovator of some sort, having created a secure mobile banking platform that’s apparently theft-proof, but he remembers John mentioning in a text that the reason why this wedding in particular absolutely needs to be as ostentatious as possible is because she wants to show to their circle of old money acquaintances that contrary to the wild-running perception of her choice in groom, she’s marrying someone outside their circle _because she can_ and not because she can’t find anyone “better”. 

“That’s someone who would have been Yuta’s ex,” John says and Jaehyun finds himself almost choking a little. “Except they never really started or committed to anything—or that’s what Yuta said.” 

“It’s Yuta,” Jaehyun snickers. “We both know he never lets himself be bound to anything flimsy, or openly admits to it.”

“And you would think he does that to guard himself well enough against stuff like this,” John says, rolling his eyes. 

“Does Gina know about this?” Jaehyun asks, hoping that this isn’t going to put Yuta in the crosshair of Gina’s wrath. 

“She doesn’t know he’s gay, by the way,” John continues. “Which sort of sucks for me right now, when you think about it. I’m taking a date to my cousin’s wedding and I’m still technically single.” 

“Yeah, man, I don’t want to be you. Can’t Imagine seeing your own family spending so much money just for Gina to marry a beard.” 

“It sucks but Yuta’s precious to me—even more than Gina, if I have to be honest,” John concludes, pressing the cigarette butt to the exposed ground near his fingers and lighting a new stick. “It was a horrible dissolution, from what Ten has been saying, because it was all in hush hush since my future cousin-in-law didn’t want to sabotage his marriage potential and Yuta really liked him. Think he thought they could go somewhere.” 

“Sounds like an asshole to me.” 

“Even fucks like one, as far as I’ve heard. Ten had a one-night stand with him after Yuta broke it off with him.” 

“Sounds like an asshole who _really gets around._ Even I didn’t take it that far.” 

“At least you bothered with keeping up the gentlemanly reputation—to me at least.” 

“Or it could mean that at least I have the courtesy to never try sleeping with Ten,” Jaehyun corrects him. “So, you guys are broken up for good?”

John rises up and hands him the cigarette that he’s been smoking, then stretches his neck and shoulder. 

“We are just us, sometimes a little together and sometimes a little apart, sometimes first choice and sometimes a rebound.”

Jaehyun stares closely at John’s back, realising that he still carries the shadow of pain of adolescent romance on it. 

“Not that much different from you and Yuta, I suppose.” 

The observation leaves Jaehyun pondering quietly into the night. 

  
  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
  
  


Jaehyun makes it a point to remember the shape of Yuta’s body everytime they have this thing between them where Yuta asks to meet him somewhere and he brings a condom along and they do it in places away from Seoul where people they know won’t be able to see them; in a love hotel in Tokyo, in his friend’s studio in Lyon, in an Airbnb in Los Angeles, Auckland, London, Ibiza, whenever their schedules lined up and Jaehyun could make an excuse to fly out from Seoul to meet a business partner or whatever. 

This time is an exception because they never do it in Seoul itself and Jaehyun knows at once that this time is going to make or break him and it’s also precisely because he holds such intimate knowledge of his body that he realises he’s currently fucking a different version of Yuta, one who has clearly relapsed into his myriads of self-torture, methods which are all more than familiar with him. 

“Is something wrong?” Jaehyun asks when Yuta takes his arms to come between the bed and his chest, visibly shaking from the force of the thrusts and silently asking to be held protectively. “Do you need me to go gentler?”

Yuta leans back and turns around so that their lips can reach each other. “No, just do it the usual way.” 

And the usual way has Jaehyun slapping his thigh loudly then tugging his hips upwards for a series of hard, frantic grinds into him, hitting his prostate over and over that he’s forced to forget everything bad in his world that circles messily around him—everything including the unbecoming gazes of men who longed to dominate him and women who sometimes felt some sort of strange awe for him, the inhumane pace of the runway, the photoshoots that lasts forever, and the unrelenting clicks of the camera on the red carpet that sound eerily similar to gunshots—and think of nothing but Jaehyun and his cock pumping in, Jaehyun and his rock hard abs pressed against his back, Jaehyun and his deep baritone voice saying things that drive him up the wall, Jaehyun and his lips that worship every inch of his body and in return, Jaehyun would think of nothing but the vibration of Yuta’s whimpers harmonising with his guttural grunts, the voluptuousness of the curves of Yuta’s butt pounding against his crotch, Yuta’s thin arms interlinked with his thick biceps, the ways their bodies are built as each other’s opposite yet fit each other like two pieces of puzzles, and the way they can only yearn for separate pieces of each other instead of a whole because they had made this choice to forfeit the rights to think of each other in any other way when they bargained for a key to escape the cages only to end up getting locked in a larger enclosure. 

The brutal cycle doesn’t haunt him as much as it does now, especially after knowing that Yuta has considered turning to cocks that weren’t his even for comfort in this unspoken revolting arrangement that bound them together and that there were times where he would have not been there for Yuta as he lets himself be wasted away for someone who barely appreciates him. It haunts him so deeply that he’s finding it hard to come even after Yuta has let out a loud, desperate moan—the kind of sound that only manages to make him hold on to Yuta tighter and squeeze his entire body in his embrace as he thrusts it in and they both groan and gasp helplessly until Jaehyun comes with the raging desperation that courses inside his vein and runs into his head then pools inside his mind to make him remember that they weren’t supposed to end up like this because what they have wasn’t supposed to be this reductive, and that their refusal to fall out of love with each other has only ended up having them seeking to be as miserable as humanly possible. 

Yuta has gotten so thin, Jaehyun realises as he calms himself down after the dizzying climax, and more than anything, he wishes that he hasn’t been one of the biggest reasons for his current relapse. 

  
  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
  
  


Yuta doesn’t want to tell him about the not-ex-boyfriend who’s getting married to John’s cousin, but Jaehyun can read from between the lines. 

“I didn’t really want to attend the wedding,” he says, lying on top of Jaehyun and straddling him as they kiss each other slowly. “But John, he said he was ok with being my pretend boyfriend, and so I agreed to it.”

Jaehyun lets his hands massage Yuta’s waist, finding a new appreciation for the arc around his hips and butt while thinking about the miracle that is the way Yuta has been put together. “ _Pretend_ boyfriend.” 

Yuta bumps their noses together playfully in disapproval. 

“I’ve always disliked that about you.” 

“Why,” Jaehyun teases him back, twirling a handful of his hair around his finger, “is it about me being so smart that I can read you flawlessly?”

“No,” Yuta pouts in a manner that makes Jaehyun’s heart swell with affection, “it’s the way you latch on anything that I let slip on my tongue, then bounce it back to me.” 

“So it _is_ about me being so smart that I can read you flawlessly.” 

Yuta laughs so hard and so purely that Jaehyun grabs that upperhand to flip their position and pins Yuta to the bed then spreads his legs so that his torso is comfortably wrapped by his thighs as he licks his way across his chest, starting from his collarbone. 

“He hasn’t been a good pretend boyfriend actually, so tomorrow I’m going to need to have a word with him.”

Yuta, having gotten used to Jaehyun’s toothless threats, merely sneers. “And how do you know that?’’

It’s then that Jaehyun takes Yuta’s hand towards his head, prompting him to interlace his fingers in his thick locks. 

“Because you’re here.” 

“That doesn’t prove anything,” Yuta chuckles. “At least nothing else other than the fact that I miss having you inside me.”

“And that’s all that would be required to prove my case, let’s be real,” Jaehyun gushes as he lays his head on top of Yuta’s chest to hear his heartbeat. 

Yuta then takes that moment of calm reprieve to let gravity sink him to the bed while Jaehyun closes his eyes to remember the shallow promise they once swore to uphold in exchange for life with each other and how horribly they failed at it, one arrangement after another, one affair after another, and sometimes, one relationship after another. It’s yet again one of those things often inexplicable to any outsider—the inborn ability to identify the real thing amongst the shower of shallow spectacles, with just a precious few managing to develop some kind of will strong enough to fight to claim it for themselves. 

So he interlocks their fingers together, letting his mind lay down the thoughts he knows are shared between them, about how even in the way their intertwined lives were rife with the superficial and the frivolous, they still find themselves incapable of moving past their biggest regret and maybe it’s time they acknowledge this. 

“Do you think we made a mistake, doing stuff like this even after we should have at least worked on parting cleanly?”

Yuta’s hand stops fiddling with his hair and he takes in as much air as he can into his lungs before answering. 

“Yes,” he whispers. “A lot of mistakes. Even today was a mistake.” 

“You know, would you like to consider stopping this—” Jaehyun asks and Yuta immediately chokes on air before he can finish the question. 

“What,” Yuta says, his face creasing with worry and uncertainty and Jaehyun climbs back up to cradle his head then presses their lips together for some sweet-sounding kisses. 

“What I’m saying is—”

“I think I know what you’re going—” Yuta interrupts again and Jaehyun hushes him with a finger. 

“I’m saying that I want you back.” 

Jaehyun lets his eyes bore into Yuta’s beautiful face intently, inviting the moonlight outside to illuminate the lines in his face so that he can watch the realisation form the kind of emotions that cast a small curve upwards with his lips while his expanding chest transfers the weight of his feelings to his slowly glistening eyes. 

“I don’t think you want that.” 

He has expected this exact reply from him and has prepared accordingly, so he takes his hand to his lips and directs them to his ring finger. 

“I don’t think you know how much I’ve been wanting that.” 

“Can’t we stay this way,” Yuta says, warm droplets threatening to fall from his eyes. “Can’t we just be like this, I’ll just come to you and we can have some time together and—”

“Yes, we can,” Jaehyun bargains. “But this only gives me the rights to ache for you, not _with_ you.” 

Yuta sits straight up and starts tearing into him. “I’m not some damaged person waiting for someone to scoop me up and carry me away—”

Jaehyun rises up to his eye level and sends him a soft, contented smile. 

“You aren’t,” he declares. “You’re the strongest person I know and that’s why.” 

“That’s why, _what_.”

Jaehyun takes him back into a kiss again and feels Yuta melt into his arms, relishing in the fact that he still have this effect on him

“I’m going to remember this feeling,” he speaks into Yuta’s ear, letting the heat from his own body penetrate Yuta’s as he takes in the fresh flowery scent that he has grown to long for, the shape of his slighter than usual body, and counting the faint drumming of his heart. “Because this is what I’m determined to make you feel as well.” 

And then Yuta releases all air from his lungs and lets his weight fall on him before nuzzling into his neck. 

“I’ll make it happen, trust me.” 

He hears a sob—and like rainfall after a cloudy day, Yuta finally allows himself to come undone. 

  
  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
  
  


John looks every bit like a groom, and because that’s going to be a problem since he’s just one among the men from the bride's family, his mother is hurriedly looking for a more earth-coloured tie so that he doesn’t upstage the actual groom. 

But looking like a groom doesn’t make John act like one, so he unloads it on Jaehyun right after his mother is out of sight. 

“What the fuck did you do to him,” he demands, “do you know what he did yesterday?”

“I told him some stuff—but tell me what he did.” 

“He fucking climbed into my bed, and well, kinda snuck into my arms.”

Jaehyun tries his best to sound amused instead of jealous. “That’s lucky of you, I wish he would do that to me.” 

“You know he’s not in a particularly good place right now,” John hisses, gritting his teeth. “So why did you say all of that?”

“He told you?”

“He wouldn’t, so I made him tell me.” 

“What’s wrong with what I said,” Jaehyun retaliates softly in order to not agitate the crowd surrounding them, even if they are busy hustling around to make the Suhs look good for the wedding ceremony. “At least I have the guts to want him back for real.” 

“And you have to choose _now_ to say it.” 

“If not now then when?” 

John goes menacingly quiet and Jaehyun knows that he has struck a nerve, so he pats John on his shoulder for a final word in. 

“After this,” he says, “after this wedding thing, I’m going to start going for it. I don’t care how long it will take me to get there, I will see that it happens.”

“And you’re going to have to go through your family, his family, your position in the organisation—and risk getting disinherited,” John says cynically. 

Jaehyun gives him a small smile. 

“I know and I get that but I won’t. I’m not letting that excuse hold me down. Not this time.” 

“But you know how it works, we’re not the kind of people who can go for shit like _true love._ Look, in an hour, my cousin is going to be marrying someone who, a few weeks ago, was still balls deep inside the one you’re going for. Shit like this happens to us all the time, you realise that, right?” 

The more John talks, the more Jaehyun realises that more than him, John needs to have this conversation because he still has a knot tied around his heart that stops him from pursuing what he has been wanting to have the most 

“Yuta isn’t Ten,” Jaehyun says, hoping that it comes across as a softball slam. “And I intend to actually make it happen, so maybe you can consider this as well.”

John retreats backwards and right after that, Yuta appears at the door, stealing both their breath away with his presence and Jaehyun gives John a small nod to conclude their confrontation. 

“I’m going to do this,” he says, “I’m going to be his rebound _from me._ ” 

Then he walks towards Yuta, making sure that he locks him in an intense gaze long enough to fluster him, then lets his hand graze his arm and leaves the room, but not before managing a quick message near the curve of his neck. 

_Wait for me._

  
  
  
  
  


*

**Author's Note:**

> \- thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed this purposelessly indulgent little thing  
> \- once again, bokura tsuyoku nareru


End file.
